Real Stories

Veronica Foale, author of the blog Sleepless nights, is a mother of two- Amy (4) and Isaac (2). Veronica, Amy and Isaac have been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome(EDS), a genetic connective tissue disorder. Isaac has also been diagnosed with Autism and Amy is currently being referred for Aspergers. To say that life has been challenging for the 22-year-old writer, would be an understatement. “I’ve found raising kids immensely challenging”, says Veronica. “I was lucky to get through the first 12 months with my sanity intact.” Being a parent is the biggest job there is! Nowhere else can you work 24 hours a day with no sick leave or no holidays. But it comes with the best rewards.

What are some of the challenges you face raising your children?

First 12 months with Amy were the hardest. She was a very very difficult baby, a difficult toddler, very strong willed, very opinionated… and she wouldn’t sleep. Isaac on the flip side was a placid baby. He wasn’t a difficult child, BUT he is a difficult toddler. It feels like a constant cheerleading exercise to keep him happy.

Our biggest issue is that we live rural, can’t just walk down to the shops and go for a coffee. And our children are so quirky that just going out for coffee is not a small endeavour.

How do you cope?

With Amy and Isaac, it’s not always easy. Some days we would get through by the skin of our teeth. But I think you develop a degree of normality after you have done something for a while.

BLOGGING is the saviour. Without Blogging I don’t think I would have any friends left, because I wouldn’t have the time or the energy to connect with people in real life and maintain a friendship.

Tell us about your Blog and how you feel about Blogging.

I started my Blog Sleepless Nights (http://somedaywewillsleep.com/) when Amy was 12 months. It allowed me to connect with other women in the same position. We kept each other sane. I like to write about our life, everyday things. I didn’t start Blogging till Amy was 12 months otherwise it would be a one long string of “Oh My God why is my baby not sleeping?!”

Within the community I have met people via twitter and Blogging, who I now catch up with and do things with. We organised an Australian Blogging Conference in Sydney where I got to meet all the women I had built a friendship with online.

What are the best things about being a parent?

The best thing about being a parent is kids! It’s little things like Isaac coming and giving me a kiss (which is very much unlike him) and Amy coming up and saying “I drew this for you”. Parenting is relative, some things are so very hard and then you look at them sleeping and you are just so in love with them.

Being a parent is also an icebreaker. You might not have anything in common with someone but if you both have kids and will find things to talk about. It allows you to make that instant connection.

What support networks you have as a parent?

With Amy I had child health nurse clinic and the mothers group through to that kept me sane for the first six months. Mothers group provided an emotional support, knowing that you are not the only one going through it. Then I moved rural and found it hard to connect with the mothers group. Online communities helped!!

I used St Giles and ECIS (Early Childhood Intervention Services) for medical help, but for everything else, I have used blogs.

I would really recommend online for anyone who is feeling like they are disconnected or feeling like it’s too hard to get out and talk to real people. Through online communities, I now have friends in Scotland and South Africa, and it doesn’t matter that we are that far away.

What advice would you give to other parents?

Find something that you love doing that is just for you and DO IT! Even if its just once a week. It will help preserve your sanity, if you can retain something that is just for you.

If I can do something just for myself, even if it feels selfish, I find I am a better mother for it.

And get online. You’ll find so many others who are going through the same things you are and online (whether its Blogging or Twitter or Facebook groups) makes it so easy to share and give and receive support.